⚔ TeaBag Raiders — Guild History
GUILD LORE👤 Official Roster
ACTIVE-ISH| Character | Rank | Role | Reliability | Special Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sylv | Guild Master / Babysitter | Whatever we need | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | The only person who consistently shows up. Has considered disbanding the guild approximately 47 times. |
| LiverPunch | Officer / Voice of Reason | DPS / Moral Support | ⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Old roommate of Bakeray. Has the most dirt on him. Uses this power responsibly (he does not). |
| Bakeray | Cryptid / Legend | ????? (unknown, never present) | ❌ | Appears once per lunar cycle. Says "word." Vanishes. The entire reason this website exists. |
| Wildes | Officer / Backbone | DPS | ⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Reliable, solid player. One of the core crew. The glue that holds the group together when Bakeray vanishes. |
| Bubbles | Meat Shield / Comedy Relief | Tank (allegedly) | ⭐ | Shows up, which puts him ahead of Bakeray. Dies to mechanics approximately 100% of the time. Heart of gold. Brain of potato. |
💣 Greatest Wipes in Guild History
PAINFULBubbles ran ahead and pulled three packs plus the boss simultaneously. The group died in approximately 4 seconds. Bubbles somehow survived for an additional 12 seconds by running in circles, which only served to pull more mobs before he too perished.
Bakeray was tanking (for once). Mid-boss pull, he disconnected. Not a real DC — he just went AFK and got kicked. The boss reset. Nobody was surprised.
Bakeray returned 40 minutes later. His only comment: "word"
Sylv was explaining the boss mechanics. Bubbles said "ok" and immediately charged in. The healer was still AFK. Bakeray was tabbed out. LiverPunch was the only one who tried to salvage it, which lasted about 6 seconds.
Bubbles pulled early (again). Bakeray was AFK (again). It was looking like a guaranteed wipe. But Wildes, the absolute unit, solo-kited the adds, off-tanked the boss, and somehow kept everyone alive long enough for the healer to recover. The only recorded instance of a wipe being prevented in guild history.
Bakeray returned from AFK 5 minutes later. His comment: "what'd I miss"
Started the night with a +15 key. After multiple wipes (see above), ended the night with a +9. The group agreed to never speak of this evening again. This page is a violation of that agreement.
📜 Official Guild Rules (Updated)
ENFORCED (BARELY)- If you say you'll be online at 9, be online at 9. (This rule exists because of Bakeray.)
- Don't pull unless the tank says pull. (This rule exists because of Bubbles.)
- Bring your own consumables. (This rule exists because of Bakeray.)
- Don't AFK mid-boss. (This rule ALSO exists because of Bakeray.)
- No crypto or NFT discussion in guild chat. (GUESS WHY THIS RULE EXISTS.)
- Don't stand in the fire. (Bubbles.)
- "word" is not an acceptable response to raid assignments. (Bakeray.)
- If you wipe the group, you owe everyone a flask. (Bubbles is bankrupt.)
- Attendance is mandatory. (This rule has been broken so many times it's essentially decorative.)
- Have fun. (Compliance varies.)
💰 DKP Standings
DISPUTED| Raider | DKP Earned | DKP Spent | Balance | Penalty Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sylv | 14,200 | 8,400 | 5,800 | None. Model citizen. |
| LiverPunch | 12,100 | 9,800 | 2,300 | -200 for roasting Bubbles so hard he logged off once |
| Bakeray | 340 | 0 | 340 | -15,000 for absence penalties. Started at 15,340. Owes the guild bank. |
| Wildes | 11,400 | 7,200 | 4,200 | Solid earner. No penalties. The standard everyone else should aspire to. |
| Bubbles | 9,600 | 9,600 | 0 | -4,800 in wipe penalties. Spends DKP faster than he earns it. |